I Love MY MIL!!!

When you think of the title "mother-in-law" your mind immediately goes to overblown sit-com characters, joke greeting cards, and late night comedian monologues. From the way the comedy world is structured, Polish people are stupid, women are all gossips, everyone's husband is lazy, and you can't like your mother-in-law. Needless to say, I think all that stereotyping is a load of hooey! (A quick shout out to my good friends Jacek, Julia and Kate - all from Poland and three of the coolest and brightest people I know!) So much hooey in fact, I am here to publicly state that I LOVE my mother-in-law!!! And what's not to love! She is bright, kind, wise, un-meddling, generous, supportive, and well, she loves me like a daughter, not an "IN-LAW". And I love her right back.

This is not a cold shoulder to my own mom. There is no substitute mommy thing going on here. None of the "My mom is mean to me so I have adopted my husband's mother" kind of thing. No, I love my own mother fervently and there is no replacement for her in my life. She is a rock star mom who is always there when I need her, just as generous, just as kind and loving. I just got this cool EXTRA present in my life in the form of my MIL and I couldn't be more grateful. I genuinely love doing things and spending time with her. My husband, son, and I even took an 8 day trip out west together with her and my also amazing father-in-law and we are in the process of a move into a two-family home with them both. When I tell people this, their eyes get wide for a moment until I add, "Oh, no, I love my in-laws. I'm excited about the move." "Really??" their eyes seem to say.

I've heard all the horror stories, read the articles in Vogue and Cosmo about dealing with the "difficult" mother-in-law, and I know how genuine that experience is for so many people. I just don't know what to say. I guess I'm lucky. Or, maybe luck has nothing to do with it. Maybe if you meet an awesome guy, like my husband, there is bound to be an awesome mom connected to him. Or - and I am not trying to give myself the credit here - I just never bought into the stereotype in the first place and made room for the possibility that we could have a great relationship.

Mostly, I think our relationship is a testament to her bravery as a parent. She was, from the very beginning, able to really let her son go into this marriage and never felt like she needed to compete with me for his love or affection. She knew that she didn't lose him to me, but rather that their relationship would shape-shift and flower into a different, more vital arena, one where their love for each other stayed the same and her role in his life could never be replaced, but that the day to day priorities in his life would have to.

I, for one, hope I have half as much of her grace and courage when my own son finds a partner.